The Colbert Questionnaire

The Colbert Questionnaire 

"15 questions to cover the full spectrum of human experience"

Best sandwich?

Grilled cheese. Old cheddar. Multigrain. Really melty with the bread just starting to burn. For most of my life it was a toss up between lox on a toasted bagel or a tuna melt - but that was before I started writing about whales and sharks and learning more about marine life and oceans. 

What's one thing you own that you really should throw out?

Souvenir t-shirts from shows I've done and shows I've seen - but that's not gonna happen because, as Marie Kondo would say, they still spark joy.

What is the scariest animal?

Humans. No contest.

Apples or oranges?

Mandarin oranges in the winter.

Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

Yep. Mostly Vancouver Canucks. Many many many Canucks. When I was a kid my mom would wait patiently while my brother and I hung out at locker rooms waiting for hockey players to sign our programs. If we'd been less obsessed with the Canucks I'd have the signatures of a lot of hockey legends - but we rarely waited for visitors, so instead I have a lot of signatures from Canucks alumni. As an adult... authors... lots of authors. I still love getting books signed. And I still kick myself for not asking Kurt Vonnegut to sign one of his books when I was lucky enough to get to interview him.

What do you think happens when we die?

We die? Uh oh... 

Favorite action movie?

Die Hard. I remember reading a review by someone who hated Bruce Willis who said the movie was so well-built that Pee Wee Herman could have played John McClane and it'd still be the best action movie ever. 

Favorite smell?

The ocean. From a boat. 

Least favorite smell?

Smoggy air. There are grosser smells, but smog is gross and depressing.

Exercise: worth it?

Exercise no. Yoga yes. Namaste, eh.

Flat or sparkling?

Always sparkling.

Most used app on your phone?

Notes. Instapaper. Camera. WazeScrabble. Anyone wanna play?

You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?

Hallelujah. Which feels like cheating - because I think you could listen to a different cover version every day for a decade.

What number am I thinking of?


Describe the rest of your life in 5 words?

A hell of a ride.